Insomnia.

I am feeling restless tonight. The semester is finally over, the holidays are around the corner and somehow I cannot sleep. The truth is I did not accomplish everything I wanted to this semester. Two of my three big projects are still teetering on the precipice of submission (though I did receive a positive review of another article that made my day earlier this week), I did not blog or take photos in any way as diligently as I did before this semester, and I cannot say my personal relationships benefited with anyone from the last 4 months of my life. I miss everyone but did not say so nearly often nor sincerely enough. Too often I found myself bogged down in my own stresses too look up and simply enjoy something. My thoughts strayed to the negative more than the positive. I essentially gave up writing, rarely talked to or seen friends and family, hardly cooked anything interesting or original ... basically I feel like I have been in neutral. The transition back to the states, back into marriage, back to Columbia, back to everything that is both the same and yet somehow very different to what I left behind so long ago has been much harder for me to cope with than I imagined.

Professionally, I would say I have been focused because at least there I have seen results. I have traveled for work to give talks, started some fascinating projects, applied for tenure track jobs, finished a paper, nearly finished three others, found some tricks along the way to solve some other projects, learned something about quantization, reviewed several papers and taught a graduate course. However, as a scientist each little victory always seems to be shrouded by the mushroom cloud of repeated failures. I know it is the name of the game in my profession to constantly go head to head with ideas that may or may not actually work, but the devastation starts to wear on you ... especially when you work in a basement, never see the sun, do not get health insurance and pay New York rent.

Personally, I just feel a void. I feel distant from everyone around me for some reason. Despite a desperate desire to connect, it seems like I am always fumbling around the right words, struggling to find the energy to reach out or just flat out avoiding interacting with people ... blogging included. I worry that having been truly alone for so much of the past 2 years, maybe it is my natural state and I just really do not know how to handle real, up close and personal relationships. I get the feeling that even my dog knows she does not get as much of me as there is to offer. Perhaps despite my willingness to communicate openly about everything with those around me, I am guarded, distracted or tuned out in other ways? Honestly, having felt isolated since my early childhood, maybe there is just no other way for me to function?

One joy I seem to find these days is in playing with the few kids I have the pleasure of knowing. However, to be honest, I have been woefully neglectful of my god-daughter, nephew, young cousins, baby cousins and the kids of friends I also treasure. However, what little time I do get to see them or learn about them makes me happier than I have felt otherwise. Honestly, a baby smiled at me in the Subway the other day and I felt some kind of crazy emotional surge. I think a lot of that feeling is that I truly love teaching and in particular watching someone learn. Sadly, my course this year really did not satisfy that need. With only two students, too little time to cover the material properly and it being my first real course to manage, many things felt lacking about the experience. I sincerely hope my students learned something but cannot say I came away feeling confident and renewed. Usually teaching takes stress out of a semester because I know I am doing something beneficial or have a particular student I came away feeling benefited from having had me as an instructor. I am teaching a larger course with a more reasonable time frame next semester, so maybe I can get some of the old verve back from transmitting knowledge. I may also get the chance to work in the discovering science room at the American Museum of Natural History soon, which could be a lot of fun and hopefully help fill the teaching void as well. Plus, I will be at NYU most of the semester, meaning my surroundings will be a lot more desirable as well.

In any case, this is completely rambling and incomprehensible but the long and short of it is that I hope to keep writing. I am not sure New Years Resolutions work, though I do know this ... in 2010 I need more emotional nourishment than I have had in 2009. When I think of the earth shattering events of this past decade, it is astonishing to me what I have borne witness to in the course of my adult life ... both from a global and personal perspective. But with horrific acts of terrorism, wars waging for the unforeseeable future, millions of citizens unable to afford basic health care, our educational system in extreme peril, global poverty and disease, near economic collapse, a culture of greed and consumption that has led to a lack of investments in our future from the top management of our corporations looking only 2 or 3 years out to maximize current profits down to the individual family member unwilling to invest in technology, infrastructure, education or anything else that would bring our local economies back, the sharply rising wealth gap, environmental dangers, prejudice and discrimination against homosexuals being built into our laws, the suppression of democracy in Iran, hurricanes, tsunamis, illiteracy, intolerance, human trafficking, religious extremism, scientific ethics violations that breach the public trust in something I love, an uncertain future for professional journalism, etc ... I need to feel like a force for good out there in this world. What my place is in it, I do not really yet know, but I would like to do something to make just one of these situations better in my lifetime. Any ideas out there?

Pride and Prejudice

Just finished it ... very funny.

Thanksgiving.

After making three loaves of buttermilk bread for our various festivities on Wednesday night, I went out to see an old friend I rarely get to see these days. I rarely get to see him because he lives in restaurant New York ... where night is day and day is night. In any case, it was good to see him, despite being incredibly exhausted when I woke up the next morning for my first New York Thanksgiving.

First, we went to a pot luck with a rather eclectic group, where for the first time in my life people actually gave me business cards. It was a pretty good time with a copious amount of food and nice people. The bread received a rather warm reception and the conversation flowed pretty easily given that some people there were aspiring Broadway stars, some MBA's and quants, some lonely churchgoers with nowhere else to be and well ... me. All of us crammed into a somewhat warm New York apartment and ate well more than is humanly natural.

Second, we went over to have dinner with some old friends, their parents, their 2 year old son, as well as their son's playground friend and his family. My friends were cooking so much food they had commandeered the stove in a common room of their building to assist in the preparations. Now, ideally, this meal would have started at 4, putting us home right at 6:30 or so when I expected my friends from LA to arrive at our apartment after their transcontinental flight. However, this was not to be. Everyone ran a bit late but fortuitously my friends and their family had prepared SO much food, my friends were able to come from the airport and join us for a Thanksgiving meal. The turkey was perfectly cooked (though the hosts declared it too dry), the sweet potatoes were marshmallow free and delicious, there were homemade cinnamon biscuits, crisp green beans and fresh, tart, homemade cranberry sauce. This delicious meal was then capped off by the presentation of the largest apple pie I have ever seen in my life. It was big enough to feed an army. Even though everyone had a fairly large piece, less than half of it was gone. All this delicious food was enjoyed while the kids chased each other around, played with Mindy, made music and tried on fireman outfits to the general delight of parents, grandparents and guests alike. It was a great meal, but we were all exhausted and before it was too late grabbed a cab home for the four of us ... plus Mindy of course.

Upon arriving home our friends surprised us with a new version of Scene-It, which we gladly cracked open and played several rounds of while our stomachs began to slowly forgive us (or at least I felt this way) for the day of overindulgence. It was a lot of fun and my personal record was 5-1 for the night. Though sadly I felt I had no real astonishing answers or flashes of brilliant, insightful recall. I pretty much got lucky. But, I will take it as this morning I am not nearly as lucky, since I am sitting in my office waiting for a collaborator to be free in order to discuss a project we need to have submitted within a week or two. I hate abandoning my friends for a morning, but this does need to get done so hopefully it will pay off in the end. In any case, he is about to be free, so I should wrap up. In any case, that was Thanksgiving for me this year.

AMNH

Well, it is in. My application to volunteer at the Natural History Museum is in. We shall see if it works out, but hopefully this will give me a way to get out of the house and do something worthwhile.

Catching Up on Photos...

These photos go back to my last night in Germany with a very old friend, attending the US Open including a Williams Sisters match and my trip to Austin where I saw my cousin D. Sadly I have been bad about taking my camera with me these days, but hopefully I will be able to steal some photos from Amber to document other experiences I have had. In any case, on this night before Thanksgiving, I wanted to try to catch up and bring myself back to keeping up with documenting my adventures.

Austin:



The US Open:




































Last Night In Bonn with Anne:

Everyman

While my second loaf of buttermilk bread is coming together, I figured I would write about the book I just finished, namely Everyman by Phillip Roth. This is my first Roth novel, and he is certainly gifted at concisely capturing the emotions one feels in various parts of their life. Death is the central theme here, and the character relives his greatest triumphs and tragedies, moments of extreme virility and tremendous frailty. It is a life both well led and full of hurtful acts and regrets. Though this man was perhaps too old for me to fully understand his reaction to things like the terrorist acts of 9/11 and a loss of one's former perceived glory, but it was a captivating perspective on death and dying. As I think about death more than I care to admit, I did appreciate the read and particularly will come back to this book for the words to express the way I am feeling when I eventually lose those I love.

For Shame.

So, although it is not reflected here, I have been in the mood to write quite a bit lately but often just too tired or distracted to do so. To that end, I want to try to start posting stories more often (hopefully daily) and get back in the routine of the actually recording my thoughts. If anyone out there who actually reads this blog would do their best to prod me along in this, I might need it.

A Prayer for Owen Meany.

I just finished this book by John Irving, which surprisingly I really enjoyed. I say surprisingly because having started this book before and put it aside out of boredom, it was more out of desperation I picked it up off my shelf again for my subway reading selection. However, this time around I found it incredibly endearing, funny and particularly true to the experience of being a young boy. Some of the things that happened to John Wheelwright as he became an adult seemed a bit far fetched, particularly his difficulty in meeting women. I do not know why it struck me as so unrealistic, but perhaps it is because I myself feel like a Joseph much of the time but was able to at least find one woman who was interested in me. Also, the character of Hester was a bit hard for me to find believable. Throughout the book, I was unable to get a clear picture of her in my head, which to me means the character was a bit ill-formed. However, some of the characters seemed all too real. I felt far more afraid of the similarities I saw between myself and Lewis Merrill, the individual whose constant feelings of doubt, fear and guilt drive him to weakness and ineffectiveness both personally and professionally.

I am making too much of the faults and dark themes of this book, since really it is one of the funniest, most hopeful books I have read in a rather long time. It actually made me laugh out loud regularly and molded some incredibly lovable characters in Owen, Tabby, Dan, the Grandmother, the cousins and even the town players. In the end, this was really a fantastic tale of friendship and loss.

Also, as an English teacher, Wheelwright also comments that the true wit of an author is lost on the young, who are all driven only by plot and action. It shames me to say, this statement applies directly to me. It has taken age and experience to find the joy in subtle observations about life, society and relationships buried in pages of detailed descriptions. In any case, I am glad I read this book as an adult, as I would not have appreciated it any earlier.

Quick Question...

Does drinking mint tea while winding down after editing papers all evening count as a new hobby? I am hoping so, because then I am well on my way to being more well-rounded.

In One Week.

I am already getting very excited about my cousin from Berkeley coming to check out the Columbia and Yale Engineering schools next week. First of all, have just lost her second grandparent in one year, I want to see how she is and spend some time with her. Second of all, I really hope she comes our way for college. Her parents were especially generous to me in graduate school, but besides returning the favor, I just think it would be great fun to have her in New York. I teach in the same school she would attend, so we could have lunch once in a while, Amber and I could treat her and her friends to some non-college food from time to time, once in a while we could catch a show, plus she could come over to enjoy some regular home life and do laundry. It would be nice to get to be there for her the way her parents were for me. Plus, we miss her and her family terribly after the years we spent together in Berkeley, so having her close would keep them close too. Of course, she needs to pick the school that will give her the best chance for success, but hopefully that will be relatively near us ... if not in the same building. Ha.

Austin City Limits.

So, last night I arrived safely in Austin and stayed at my cousin D's house right in the heart of downtown. Unfortunately she has to travel for work today, so I only get to hang out with her for one night. It was also nice to meet her Beagle named Barney, who I had never had the pleasure of knowing until last night when we shared a bit of my late dinner.

Speaking of which, if you will allow me to digress ... if a flight goes from 7:00 PM until 11:00 PM, give us something more than some tiny pretzels. I had thought I saw Continental adds saying they still served food on flights, but I must have been wrong. Oh, and also, if you are someone who puts on an eye cover and brings 2 fluffy pillows to sleep on for an entire flight ... get a window seat. Some people on the interior might need a kleenex or glass of water at some point people.

But I digress. Today I will have breakfast with my cousin, then hang out at the UT math department before giving my talk at 3:30 PM. Then, tonight I get to have some good Austin Mexican food with some friends and colleagues before heading to Waco in the morning. Plus, I have my camera and hope to take some good photos of the city to post sometime soon.

It seems I will have an old friend and true Cretan to keep me company on my drive, which I will certainly appreciate given that I have not really driven a car very much over the last 2 years and there will be many insane college students heading to the OU-Texas game on the same road. Speaking of which, I was thinking of thanking the organizers for inviting me so deep into enemy territory to give a talk, but feel like the joke could work better. Any suggestions?

Regarding my budding illness, I still feel fine physically, but definitely have some nasty stuff happening in my sinuses. This worries me a bit about visiting my great aunt in Dallas, who is undergoing chemo. I do not want her to get sick with her weakened immune system. I will have to play it by ear I suppose, but hopefully the warmer, drier air here will help clear out my problem. Of course, that could be the medical practices from the Makioka Sisters talking.

The Makioka Sisters.

So, I started this book just a bit before I left Germany and shamefully it has taken me this long to get through this 500+ page slog of a novel. On the plus side, it definitely gave me a glimpse into some very traditional aspects of Japanese culture (I particularly enjoyed the haikus written or quoted throughout) and particularly portrayed interestingly how regular citizens in the Axis felt leading up to World War II. However, though at times I liked the characters, I had a hard time connecting with them deeply. For instance, just after we found out Taeko had escaped the massive flood, I put the book down for 3 or 4 days without really being bothered by how she had survived that whole time. Perhaps this is a cultural issue, perhaps it is a class issue, perhaps it is a generational issue, but the problems they felt most difficult in their lives were a challenge to care about towards the end. In truth, if there had been one more miai gone wrong, I would have just not finished the book. Still, I did appreciate the insight into another culture, which is why a friend recommended it in the first place, so in that regard it was a success. But come on, can we at least agree the ending is rather unsatisfying. After all that, Taeko's baby dies and we do not even see Yukiko through being married?? I was both glad it was over and a bit angry we did not get at least to know if all the failed attempts had been worth it at finding a successful match. Not to mention, the war was just escalating and transitioning into the way it impacted the family and Japan as a whole would be a rather fascinating sequel.

Well Howdy.

Tonight, I hop on a plane for my first trip of the semester. Tomorrow I give a talk at UT-Austin, then head to Waco for an AMS Session. Though I have never been to either place, I am really only looking forward to visiting Austin. However, I will have a few good friends to see since I am close enough to home to know a relatively large number of people. To look presentable, I got a haircut today from a somewhat overpriced, though competent and talkative Brazilian man on the upper west side. My life as it stands is completely dominated by work. On top of my usual load of work, this weekend I had a collaborator in town and talked in depth about some rather complex mathematics for 4 days in a row. I learned something new about the Quantum Hall Effect and some Riemannian Geometry. As a result, I am exhausted, slightly ill and nervous about making a good impression during my talk tomorrow. In any case ... wish me luck.

Oh, and Happy Birthday Emily!!!

Time.

If I am honest, it is hard to believe I have been back in the US for an entire month. I miss everyone and my life in Europe terribly, though hopefully I'll have a semblance of that here soon as well. There has been so much going on around me, the last several weeks have all blurred together. To be honest, I have a hard time distinguishing the chronological order of several events. Now that I am settled once more, time seems to be progressing linearly again, which is a great relief. However, it was one of my favorite parts of Slaughterhouse 5 when the protagonist described his ability to travel through the time dimension of his life and becoming accustomed to seeing in 4 dimensions. In any case, in all this time, I have reacquainted myself with my surroundings, made love to my wife, argued with my wife, walked my dog, actually made a few dinners, had a few beers, sent in my passport for renewal, begun teaching, given two research talks, established a routine, set up a home office, had a paper accepted, made serious headway on two drafts near completion, started thinking and discussing seriously a few exciting new projects, begun the process of learning some mathematical biology, figured out how to use a cell phone again, missed using German and strolled longingly passed a Brooks Brothers in search of a new umbrella. This weekend I will host my first visitor of the semester and next week I make my first trip to a conference. Needless to say, it has been a full month and seems to be a full year ahead of me. I will be sending out some job applications to see if I can get a permanent position this year, which is both exciting and overwhelming. All I can do through all this is try to keep my head above water, get some work done and try to become the man I hope to be by 30, which may be here before I know it at this pace.

On a side note, an opportunity has arisen to go see The Marriage of Figaro at the Met with an old friend for her 30th birthday in November, which makes me incredibly excited. With all the poverty and podcasting in my life the last couple years, there has not been nearly enough music.

Hello Again.

Well, the internet has finally arrived at Marzuola Manor here in New York, so I will start writing new posts here very soon, hopefully tonight in fact. So much has happened in the last month I am a bit intimidated at finding where to start. Unfortunately, the last month has been quite a blur, but writing about it should help me find some clarity. However, I cannot start right now, as I am off to continue writing lecture material for my class.

Talk to you soon.

A Quick Note During Lunch

So, I have neither died nor given up on writing, it has just been a rather busy three weeks and my house still lacks a reliable internet connection. However, within two weeks at least one of those issues will be resolved so I can once again wind down my evenings by penning some of my random musings and telling stories of things that at least interested me when they happened.

Number 9 Dream

I finished this somewhat existentialist, somewhat stream of consciousness, somewhat violent action romp, somewhat mystery, somewhat romance, somewhat coming of age novel last night on the subway going to meet up with two good friends from New York. I definitely enjoyed this novel, the rich imagery and deep personal insights, clever stories within the story and intricately structured dream worlds, though I was a bit nonplussed with the non-ending if you will. Of course, it was befitting the theme and did leave me thinking quite a bit, I suppose I am just in the mood for resolution right now. Still, I could not put this book down this week and highly recommend it especially as subway reading. The novel is crafted in these small, occasionally slightly disjoint sections, meaning it is perfect for people who sit down to read in short bursts.

Another aspect of this novel is that despite being set in a bustling Tokyo and a damp, rural Kyushu, the author is not Japanese. I found much in common with the way the main character perceived the world around him and his experiences within that world, but wonder if this qualifies as branching away from my Eurocentric literary perspective. It seemed to capture some aspects of the Japanese literature and culture I have had a bit of interaction with to this point, but I am somewhat fascinated by an outsider taking an insider's view of another culture. I would like to know both the outsider's perspective on the experience as well as an insider's response. Sadly, I have neither, but did enjoy the read.

Update.

Well, I am here in New York at an internet cafe (OK ... a Starbucks but I am not proud of it), trying to readjust to life back on the grid, write some lectures for my class starting September 10th, get my head back into doing calculations, edits and writing for research, figure out how to be married again, dealing with the sudden lack of time and abundance of obligations I feel, learn how to use a cell phone again and generally figuring out how to re-enter my real life that seems to be made for a person similar to me but not quite the same anymore. Right now, I have no internet connection at home, but eventually will be posting more regularly I hope about this transition and all the struggles and joys that come with it.

My Departure.

After arriving home from my last dinner, I finished packing the last few items I could until I had actually showered and dressed the next morning. I checked e-mail, generally fidgeted with certain items and basically expended whatever nervous energy I had. Around 1 AM or so, I finally fell into a deep sleep and was actually rather rudely awakened by my alarm clock at 5:30 AM. After eating the last two granola bars I had in my apartment for breakfast, I showered, dressed, packed my toothbrush and checked my itinerary one last time. As the pre-arranged time I had agreed to meet my friend generous enough to take me to the airport approached, I carried my largest bag downstairs with the last bag of trash. When I came in I pulled the rest of my things out in the hall and dropped my keys for the last time in the wicker bowl on top of the microwave I have dropped them in all year. After one last glance to make sure I had everything important, I cracked the window to let out the moisture from my shower knowing the cleaning woman arriving at noon would also appreciate the room being slightly cool. Convinced I had everything I could take with me, I shut the door knowing I had no chance to open it again.

After carrying all my bags downstairs to the curb, I waited a few minutes for my friend to arrive then helped him cram my three bags into his rather tiny Volkswagen. Still, miraculously it all fit and we were off to the airport. We chatted as we had every Friday or Saturday night since I came to Germany, neither of us really acknowledging how different our lives will be in just a few weeks. Me of course in New York, him taking a new position as well. We departed with a casual goodbye, though I think we both understood the year behind us had been too full for our friendship to be considered casual.

After dragging my bags up to the Lufthansa counter, there was a problem. My flight from Philadelphia to New York had changed times and numbers, so they had to verify that I was still booked all the way home before they could check my baggage. In their rather efficient, German way, they were very polite and helpful, informing me we would have to wait until the US Airways office opened to settle the issue. Well, twenty minutes later, I had been booked, paid the extraordinary fee for my third bag and was walking towards my gate. Out of habit, I walked towards the gate I always leave from at Cologne-Bonn Flughafen, only to realize I had gone into the wrong terminal. So, after a much needed stop at my usual coffee place and my last full interaction in German, I went towards passport control.

There, they told me it was in the system that my wallet had been stolen. Yes, I said, many months before but it was returned to me by the city of Nantes. Well, in that case, she wanted to photocopy my license, my passport and file a report so it could be removed from the computer. As my flight left in ten minutes, I was a bit apprehensive, but I acquiesced, as after all after the year I had enjoyed here, what right did I have to refuse a German bureaucrat some paperwork to do??

After finally resolving the wallet problem, I was allowed to continue to my gate where I rode the bus to the plane with three British women who were returning from some sort of ladies weekend and giving each other a hard time about how much money the spent. It was nice to simply hear English spoken around me and to finally be on my way. The flight from Cologne to London was easy and featured an impressively smooth landing, my last Apfelschorle, an easy Monday crossword and a short nap just to name a few highlights. Deplaning I was struck by the strange feeling of having all the signs around me written in English. Though the voices had been somewhat comforting and pleasant, the paradigm shift made me rather aware I was really leaving Germany. A wave of regret for the lack of German I had learned in my time there rolled over me, knowing I had squandered an excellent opportunity to actually become bilingual.

Then, tragedy struck. The last year has stripped me of and given me many things, and through all those times I had a sturdy umbrella by my side. It was my trademark, a companion of sorts, and really the one thing I wanted to take with me from Europe to New York. Last time I came through Heathrow, they had hassled me about it, but it would not fit in my luggage so I figured I had to try to carry it with me. This time I made almost all the way through the flight transfer stations before at security the last woman refused me. The first woman had been kind enough to see the sadness in my eyes at having it confiscated, so she put it through to see if the woman at the end of the line would accept it. Of course, that woman saw it, immediately pulled it off the belt and told me a smaller umbrella would be allowed but that she was keeping this one. Well, what could I say to her? She looked at me cold and unfeeling. I acknowledged to myself that part of me knew this would happen, but I had come so far and hated to leave it behind. However, I shrugged my shoulders, nodded and moved down the line. It seems I will be leaving Europe exactly as I came. One last act reminding me that my life here as I know it was coming to an end.

After yet one further delay requiring another call to US Airways because the woman handling my transfer was not happy that one of my boarding passes said E-ticket and one said flight coupon required and unwilling to accept the Lufthansa issued boarding card for the flight as said coupon, and I was back in the Heathrow Terminal I last saw 9 months ago. Without thinking, I realized I had sat down on the very bench I had slept on during that long night on my way to my cousin's wedding. And here I sit at a free internet terminal, collecting my thoughts and the remaining items I need to write about the last few days. Though there are surly US customs agents, much heavy lifting, long flights, a long layover and a somewhat emotional reunion ahead of me, it feels like I am almost there. My flight will board in an hour and somehow, after all of this, I will be headed home.

So Long and Thanks for All the Pig.

It need to write a post summing up my time in Deutschland and this title loosely borrowed from Douglas Adams seemed a fitting tribute. So, as I find time, I will be uploading bits and pieces of this post, which will also be recorded for poserity in a beautiful book a friend of mine gave me for Christmas. So, here goes:

Dear Germany,

Ideas to Expand On:

Things I Loved: Trains, Walks, Urban Design, Institutes, Coffee, Ice Cream, the Rhine, Friday Night Beer, Biergartens, Cabbage, Travel, Learning something of a new language, Reading, Music, Cobblestones, Holidays, Alps, Chocolate, West Germany, Berlin, Good Friends, Local Schnapps.

Things that were Hard: Formalism, Pronouncing 'ch' as 'sch', switching the 'y' and 'z' on the keyboard, Loneliness, some remnants of cultural superiority, dealing with a recent tragic past, Bavaria, Local Schnapps.

More to come,

JLM

My Last Day.

My last morning in Germany was spent mostly feeling that Schnapps should be a controlled substance. However, I managed to recover early enough to make it for one last lunch and afternoon with my host and his family. We ate, dodged and trapped wasps, went on a bike ride, had some cake and said goodbye. Despite the communication barrier, I think his kids (especially the youngest) really did enjoy my company. A handshake was of course the proper German goodbye, but it was unsatisfying in a way. They simply said they wished I could come again next week, which was more than enough to express how they were really feeling.

On my last night I met up somewhat randomly with an old friend from high school and have my last Jaegerschnitzel before leaving Bonn. This is the kind of friend where no matter how little you have talked in the past months or years, you always pick up right where you left off last time you saw each other. It was lovely to see her, drink a final beer (however painfully after the night before) with some close friends and fill my stomach with some hearty German fare for the last time in a while. It was subdued, relaxed, reflective. A perfect way to cap off the year and ease my nerves before going home to pack.

The Farewell Fete.

So, on Saturday night of my last weekend I accompanied some friends to a party to really celebrate the end of a term and a birthday. Fortunately, it also doubled quite nicely as a farewell get together. After arriving, we talked, enjoyed the beautiful weather out on their balcony and grilled copious amounts of meat on their barbeque, then ate and drank heartily. Early in the night we simply laughed and told some stories, mostly small talk. After it got dark though, the local Schnapps came out and we started really reminiscing about the last year. The Schnapps was interesting, sweet with a somewhat grassy flavor. Also, it was incredibly strong. It was a fitting way to depart, forging deeper friendships and reflecting on the struggles and successes of the past year. Plus, the local Schnapps claimed plenty of my brain cells in the name of Deutschland. In any case, my friends saw the time and dragged me out the door, then we caught the last tram to the train station. After orating for I really do not know how long about how much I love the violin, the train arrived and it was time to say goodbye. A quick hug and a wave goodbye was all I had as the doors slammed and they were whisked away to Cologne. I stumbled home and hobbled to bed. The last full night of sleep I would have in Bonn and the last time I would see my friends before departing. I was drunk, sad, and also happy ... until the next morning when I was mostly just sad. Ha.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Well, it appears my time here in Germany has actually come to an end. A friend of mine will be picking me up to take me to the airport here in just about half an hour. In a little less than 24 hours I should be in my new home in New York. Sadly my apartment here looks not much different with all my things packed, but hopefully my absence will be felt in other ways. To everyone here in Europe, I will miss you all. To my family and friends in the US, I'll be home soon. So, off I go.

My Last Day of Work.

Today will be my last official day as a postdoc here in Bonn. The year has been very hard for me in many ways, but professionally it was rather satisfying. Besides the department (namely my advisor) making my move to Germany fairly simple by providing me with housing and support, the resources and the facilities of the department are second to none. Because of all the activity here, of course the seminar schedule is constantly filled with interesting speakers such as Curtis McMullen and Edward Witten. The new building is rather spectacular actually, and the relevant groups are all placed close together. For me, this mostly means I have easy access to my fellow caffeine starved postdocs to grab them for a late afternoon coffee and discussion.

Somewhat miraculously, during a conversation over coffee in my second week here, my advisor happened to think he could answer a very hard question if I might actually be able to answer a slightly easier one. Well, in the end, it turned out to of course be far more complicated, but with a fair amount of work and a few helpful discussions with colleagues, we are now sitting here with a draft over 60 pages long incredibly near completion after just this one year's time. It is amazing how it came together and really would not have had it not been for some very key insights from my advisor. However, I am glad it did and look forward to getting it out there.

To be fair to Columbia, I am rather lucky to have both postdoc advisors I have had to this point. Though it can be exhausting some days, they have both been extremely generous with their time and each day involves at the very least having a coffee together to talk about our projects and other interesting mathematical concepts. This process will pick back up at Columbia next week where the coffee is a bit more expensive, but at least it is closer to the office. This way, my legs can get a bit of a rest.

In addition to my time in my group alone, with there being the separate HIM, during my first months I met some new colleagues with whom I became fast friends. From them, I have started trying to learn a few things about water waves as well as vortices in micromagnetics and other applications of the Calculus of Variations, a subject I have always liked. As I will be housed in a fairly applied department the next two years, getting some very physical projects going would be a nice development.

In no uncertain terms one can claim this year has been rather successful for me professionally. I am quite glad I came and feel rather lucky to have had the experience of living and working with the friends and collaborators I have met here. To be honest, the idea of going home seems so appealing and overwhelming, it has not really occurred to me that this is my last day to go to work in this department. It disappoints me to be leaving in many ways, but sadness is not the correct word right now. I have made some very good friends who I know I will miss terribly and have started a few interesting lines of research I do not want to lose momentum on studying as always happens a bit in long distance collaborations. However, I am very aware that those friends are organizing workshops I will attend within months really and of course know I will continue working with them on asking and answering interesting questions as long as they let me.

I guess all I can say is it is hard to leave a place that has come to feel like a bit of home for a period of time, where the people and department have made you feel so welcome and given you opportunities you never dreamed of having, where colleagues turned into both good friends and collaborators with great ease, and where something you love is studied with great intensity and passion. However, ahead of me lies moving back in with my wife, trying to reconnect, starting to teach, new and interesting challenges personally and mathematically, as well as the knowledge that maybe all the craziness that comes with a life of constant flux will finally dissipate if I can find someone willing to hire me permanently in two years. In short, though leaving my life here behind is hard to do, getting on the plane on Monday holds the promise of a future as yet unknown but one with great possibility.

My Literary Travels.

So, besides traveling a great deal actual places this last two years, I have also taken many a literary journey. Some of those have been mentioned in the blog already, but just so I do not forget the other (non-math related) books I have read, I figured I would attempt to record them here in chronological order:

The Never Ending Story by Michael Ende
The Final Solution by Michael Chabon
Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
The Body Artist by Dom DeLillo
Ex Libris by Anne Fadiman
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Last One In by Nicholas Kulish
White Noise by Dom DeLillo
The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie
Wicked by Gregory Maguire
I Am America ... And So Can You by Stephen Colbert
Born Standing Up by Steve Martin
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon
The Iliad by Homer
The Big U by Neal Stephenson
The Complete Sherlock Holmes Collection by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Liar's Poker by Michael Lewis
Zodiac by Neal Stephenson
Wonder Boys by Michael Chabon
Band of Brothers by Stephen Ambrose
Brsingr by Christopher Paolini
Discoveries by Alan Lightman
Anathem by Neal Stephenson
The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman
The Yiddish Policeman's Union by Michael Chabon
The Jungle Books by Rudyard Kipling
Snow Country by Yasunari Kawabata
War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
Nine Stories by J.D. Salinger
This Way For The Gas by Thadeus Borowski
Herzog by Saul Bellow
A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore
Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris
The Lost Continent by Bill Bryson
Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger

Making Up For Lost Time.

Since I only started this blog about 7 months ago, I figured it would be useful to go back and post some of the pictures I have taken from previous trips as a way to catch up. This week is going to get rather busy rather fast, so this seemed like a cheap way to keep some posts going as well. So, here is my first installment from way back in late November of 2008...


So, this weekend I took a train down to a town called Garmisch-Partenkirchen to meet my old friend ES (nee P) and her family. It was a great time exploring around and playing with their kids. We stayed in a US Military hotel called the Edelweiss (C is an officer and pilot in the Navy), so it was a little like sleeping in America and visiting Germany and Austria during the day. Of course, it was nice to turn on ESPN to check the score of the OU game Sunday morning. Ha. I had to bum off E and C within the gates of the hotel because they only took dollars!! Their daughter's names are K (3 years old) and P (5 months old). It was nice to see an old friend and play many games with her daughter. Today, we drove into Munich and though it was a bit nerve wracking finding my train station, I wound up running to the platform with just 1 minute to spare!!! Anyway, hopefully the pictures will tell the story but it was a great visit.


E with K (who is smiling!) after getting back in the car following our trip to Innsbruck, Austria. I of course left my camera in the car but Innsbruck was not terribly exciting, even though it has been home to two Winter Olympics. However, K got to ride both a real pony and a carousel pony, so it was still a success even though it was wet, cold and hazy all day! Chris also showed some mad skills handing the car on ice driving us all around.



The carousel, Christmas market and the mist covering the mountains as we left Innsbruck.



The view from our hotel room at the Edelweiss. There were two beds and a fold out couch for the five of us, but only one shower. So, we all slept comfortably but had some time to get going in the mornings.

C, E and K posing in our room with P hiding on the bed amongst her blankets. :) The day in Innsbruck was so hazy we came back to the hotel. C and I took K and P to the pool while E visited the spa.



Here is a clear view from the hotel.



On Sunday, we headed up to what we understood was the tallest peak in Germany or the Zugspitze. As we left I could not avoid this shot since it looks like the quintessential Alp.

E and K getting bundled up for the trip to the top. Fortunately they have a gondola, we were not preparing for a major hike. :)

P in her polar bear suit will make you friends instantly anywhere in the world.

C with his girls waiting for the train to the gondola.

E and me waiting for the train also. As you can see, I was on blanket duty.



E, C and P enjoying the view as we go up the mountain.

P seems to be wondering just what is in store for her on this trip.

A view from the point where you get off the train.


Some easy ski slopes with a rather interesting system of lifts.


K peering out the bottom window of the gondola up to the peak.


Mountains in the distance.

More gondola pics. I believe that is E's hand also getting the same photo.



Yours truly on the gondola.

The view from the top is pretty spectacular.

An amazing mountain lake visible from the peak.


Another lake shot.

Yet another.



What can I say ... I like lakes.

Here I am at the peak. It was -20 degrees C (~ -4 degrees F), so we quickly went in for lunch and warm drinks.



P going local.

E and K at lunch. After this, we went and had hot drinks and awesome chocolate cake before leaving the peak.



Everyone watching our new view from the larger gondola that goes ALL the way down the mountain.



P has to be the most laid back baby in history. Certainly the most laid back polar bear.

E on the gondola.



C and P warming up and resting after our trip to the top.

Scenes from our morning in Munich. This happened to be a nice building near where we parked.


Though it is being renovated, this is the rather impressive Frauenkirchen. I would have shots from inside but Mass was going on while we were there so I did not get to take any.

One of many gratuitous clock shots.

Crazy old tombstone.

Busy Munich area.

The Glockenspiel!!



More Glockenspiel aka another clock shot.



The moving pieces of the Glockenspiel.



The actual Munich town hall building.



This building was obviously really amazing to me. However, Bavaria was kind of an odd place. I liked it, but I think I like Western Germany a bit more.



E and I are both into clock shots.



Managed to get two clocks in this shot of old town Munich.



K really liked the fountain.



E and K posing by the fountain.



One more clock.



Extreme close up!!



The front of a museum.



A War Monument.



K enjoying a giant Christmas tree before we high tailed it back to the car and got to the Munich-Pasing train station just in time.