A New York State of Mind.

Now that I have a place waiting for me in New York City, know the class I will teach in the Fall and am growing rather weary of looking at the 59 page (so far) draft on KdV equations that has come into being during my time here, I feel it is safe to say I am more than ready to get on the plane home. It is a constant strain to stay focused and attentive to the projects I am working on without drifting to thoughts of walking through the door to see our new apartment, seeing my wife, collapsing in exhaustion as my dog goes a bit crazy, officially unpacking somewhere, sitting at my old desk, seeing the shelves full of all my books, figuring out my commute, setting up my office at Columbia, and so on. It does not help that I know I have so many things to look forward to when I get home, such as meeting up with old friends at favorite places, making dinner for my family, going to the US Open, seeing old friends and family who will be visiting during the month and getting set up to actually have a position/office for more than a year.

However, I do not want to become a temporarily lame duck mathematician during my last few weeks. Having some collaborators around next week in Canada will help to focus on a few specific projects, but right now it is challenging to avoid just phoning it in for a bit. Unfortunately of course, there is a great deal to do here mathematically, administratively and personally before I leave, but surely I will find a way to fit in everything essential.

Another thing weighing on my mind right now is my course. Before I start structuring the course and designing the lectures, I would like to have the material organized clearly in my mind. As I have never taught the material before, this takes both time and research. There are subtle hints of this process beginning, but given that I step in front of my students in a month, I wish the progress were coming along a bit faster. Though, I know things will come together there shortly, especially now that I believe I have figured out the way I want to start the course.

Other than that, there are a project I am trying to get out the door to the publisher, two big projects I would like submitted, a project for which I would like a first draft finalized and three or four new things I am really just starting that are rather interesting but will require some time to let the ideas jumble around my brain before settling in somewhere with vague understanding. My collaborators on these projects have been a bit busy of late, which means there has been little time to discuss those things jumbling around, which I find essential in getting them to actually settle somewhere useful. In the end, what will be will be and after this last two years I figure I can accept that even though perhaps I should have a less passive attitude towars the whole thing.

The truth of the matter is that very little has gone as planned the last two years. Very few instances indeed did not turn out to be close to the worst case scenario I imagined when presented with all the possible outcomes. Through that Dickensian (or Snicketian if you will) series of unfortunate events, things have kept on moving forward somehow, so though I continue to use what energy I have left to scramble onward, I am aware the current of time will drag me and those things in my life forward as well. Maybe I have been swimming to hard against the current, I do not know. The truth of the matter is that I see some kind of land in the distance and feel happy to coast until I find myself tossed upon the shore, whether it be rocky and inhospitable; sandy, fertile and warm; or somewhere in between. Man, that turned into a far more involved metaphor than I had intended.